Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Our First celebration of The Day of The Dead

1
For Carolyn Coffey

2
For Jessica and Grace

3
Remi

4
Tanner

5
Mo and our "alter"

6
30 victims

7
30 victims
8
Mary Burns
 
We set up our alter behind "Mo" and lit candles. We worked on getting a fire going in the fire pit in front of "Mo".(See picture 5) And when my husband, the fire master arrived he got a beautiful fire going. We played "Heart", and "Home"(See Charlotte), and a whole Beatles album (See Benjamin). I explained the plan in general to my 12 year old Brian and to my 9 year old Alana and our friend next door Cailyn (age 9). We put out some impromptu invites but it was just the cozy 5 of us. Brian thought of everyone. "And your Aunt Carolyn?" Yes, Brian, (see picture 1) cousin Janet posted some pictures from their celebration of Dia de las Muertos - I printed those out and put them on our alter. "And what did she like?" She loved to watch birds and be out in nature. "OK, I will go get one of our bird books." Brian, "What about Uncle Tom's wife?" Of course, Mary. (see picture 8) Found a picture of Mary on her daughter's FB page, printed it out for our alter. Cailyn asked if she could bring out something for her dog Remi. Of course you can.(See picture 3) And Tanner? (See picture 4) Absolutely. "And Mommy, how do you know those 30 people that you have in the box?" (See pictures 6 and 7) Well, I don't personally know them but there were 2 national tragedies which took these 30 people and cut their lives too short. I want to honor them.

As Alana, Cailyn, and Brian tended the fire (see Avielle) and we cooked our hamburgers (See James)... Alana says to her friend Cailyn "I feel like every fire represents people and animals who have died and their souls get lifted up by the smoke - like a set of stairs - to heaven."... From my nine year old. "Isn't that WONDERFUL?" (see Caroline) What a beautiful idea. And like a set of stairs those souls can travel down and be with us for the night. Cailyn and Alana discussed this for sometime in a very hopeful manner... and Brian said "Mommy, this is really nice." Alana and Cailyn started playing, laughing, and singing as if they had been joined by a whole bunch of 6 and 7 year olds. It was a beautiful night.

I honestly did not get done everything on my list for November 1. And I am not beating myself up about it. I know what I still need to do and I know who it is honoring. Everything will happen in good time.

I easily made the decision that we will observe November 1st as The Day of the Dead or Dia De Las Muertos or All Saints Day every year. Love, Heart, Home, Nurturing, Healing, Beautiful.

Friday, November 1, 2013

November 1st, The Day of The Dead

I have never observed this day before. But from what I understand, it is a day that families come together to celebrate the lives of their loved ones that have passed. Particularly those who have passed in the past year. A skeleton is a common symbol used in the celebrations. Sometimes families will hold picnics in the graveyards where their loved ones rest. Alters are made and favorite foods of the deceased are brought to the alters or shared at the gatherings. The thought is that if you entice the spirits of your deceased loved ones to join you and you "dance with the dead".

I had a tough time (as I am sure many of us had) grasping the Newtown, CT Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre. Shortly after, People magazine came out with a wonderful edition that had all 27 victims pictured on the front.  I first saw this at the grocery store and burst in to tears right there in the check out line. Having 2 children in elementary school, a school that is much like Sandy Hook by description, I couldn't help to compare, and to picture this kind of thing happening to their school and to my children - it could have happened anywhere. I shielded my children from news casts at home and talked about it with them without the gory details. But when I would go to work, I had no control over the TV my patients were watching. Every time a report came on, the tears flowed and I would have to excuse myself from my patient's room. The news and information was coming faster than I could process. Luckily, I was able to fall right in to my therapist's office in January of this year. My goal was to work through this grieving process with something positive coming out of it.  The first step was to learn about these innocent victims pictured on the front of the People magazine - their faces, smiles, and eyes had burned into my soul. I needed to know who they were for they could have been my neighbor, my friend, my child's teacher, my child's principal, my child. I read their profiles and cried. I learned what their favorite color was, their personality, the sports team they were fans of, hobbies, passions,... and what they wanted to do in their life. I made a card for each one with their picture and profile. I was able to put these "in a box". The tears lessened. But I did not want to "forget".  I made a plan for myself that I would celebrate their lives on the Day of the Dead and figure out actions I could "Do" to honor them. October I started this blog - first blog ever. As I revisited each beautiful person whose lives were cut short, I learned how their families have been processing their unimaginable grief. The community has come together in big ways. I was awed by the missions and initiatives that have come from this event and how personal they are. So many have been able to take the passion of a 6 year old and make their dreams reality. These young souls had probably no real concept of "evil" and had probably never experienced real "evil" until moments before they passed. Many of the families have held on to that innocence and have made it blossom. When so many good people come together to do such really solid, creative, positive, loving, things... it is going to seriously put up a dang good battle against "evil". I want to be a part of THAT.

My children are off of school today. So we are going to spend the entire day celebrating the lives of these innocent victims.

Taking in to account the weather in my area, here is my schedule. If you are in my area, I invite you to drop by anytime. Or you can celebrate with us "virtually." ;)

0730 - a cup of tea with my husband - to honor Krystle Campbell (Boston bombing victim)
0800 - sneak out to store to buy things I need for today including a Starbuck's coffee in memory of Lauren Rousseau (full time substitute teacher)
0900 - blueberry pancakes with my kids - in memory of Lu Lingzi (Boston bombing victim)
0930 - throughout the day, I will discuss with my family the fact that the Dolphins won in overtime 22-20 over the Bengals last night - in memory of Mrs. Mary Sherlach (school psychologist) and the fact that the Red Sox won the World Series - in memory of Nancy Lanza (mom)
1000 - NY Giants logo on back of my hand - in honor of Jack Pinto (age 6)
Take family for a walk outdoors even if it is raining - in honor of Mrs. Anne Murphy (special resources teacher)
1100 - plant chrysanthemums and bulbs in memory of Allison Wyatt (age 6) and Madeline Hsu (age 6)
1130 - take shower and get dressed- Wear purple ravens shirt for Josephine Gay (age 7). Green ribbon - for Jesse Lewis (age 6). Pink ribbon in hair for Grace McDonnell (age 7).
1200 - set up my daughter art and craft area in basement - to also honor Emilie Parker (age 6)
1300 - Lunch of Tacos in memory of Noah Pozner (age 6)
1400 - Monopoly game in celebration of Martin Richard (age 8 - Boston bombing victim)
Afternoon - Music with singing and dancing in celebration of  Ana Grace Marquez-Greene (age6)
Beatles in memory of Benjamin Wheeler (age 6)
Home by Phillip Phillips in celebration of Charlotte Bacon (age 6)
1700 - sign my daughter up for extra curricular of her choice to honor Caroline Previdi (age 6)
sign up to volunteer at same extra curricular in memory of Dawn Hochsprung (Principal)
Print out WWDD bracelets to take orders for Daniel Barden (age 7)
1800 - bike ride in honor of Chase Kowalski (age 7)
Chalk on sidewalk of a butterfly for Dylan Hockley (age 6) and a big peace sign
Make plans to set up dog run in honor of Catherine Hubbard (age 6)
1900 - Make fire which will be named "Avie" for Avielle Richman (age 6)
At fire will be cowboy boots in memory of Jessica Rekos (age 6) and our purple flamingo in honor of Victoria Soto (teacher)
1930 - grill hamburgers over the fire for James Mattioli (age 6)
Say grace in honor of Olivia Engel (age 6)
Write letter to special resources teacher in celebration of Rachel D'Avino (behavioral therapist)


When December 14, 2013 rolls around, and the one year anniversary of Sandy Hook is brought back up in the media.... maybe I won't feel so helpless.




Martin Richard, age 8

picture from ABC news
 
Information from Huffington post via the Dorchester Reporter, Boston globe, people.
 
...Martin's father Bill Richard took the podium and delivered stirring remarks about his son. Richard, who wore a button on his suit lapel emblazoned with peace symbol, spoke for more than 10 minutes.  Bill recalled that as the family watched the marathon runners pass by, Martin had asked his mother how old you had to be to run in the race. Martin, his dad said confidently, would have definitely run Boston some day. In fact, Martin did run in a marathon-related road race along Boylston Street on the Saturday before the bombing— and Bill recalled watching his son sprinting towards the finish line, passing older kids. Martin was an outstanding and curious student who loved astronomy, math and solving complex problems at Neighborhood House Charter School. He was well-known for assisting younger students and settling disputes, loved playing and winning at Monopoly, and was a car enthusiast. Martin was also a gifted athlete, who was already lean and muscular at age 8 and a standout on the playing fields of Dorchester, where he participated in soccer, baseball, street hockey and flag football leagues. Even in inclement weather, Martin favored spending time outside shooting hoops to watching TV.

Martin Richard was a huge fan of hockey, especially his beloved Boston Bruins. Even though he was not yet a skater, Martin dreamed of someday being a hockey goalie. He loved the chants that would erupt from the stands at the Boston Garden and, on Sunday morning, Bill Richard led the St. Ann crowd in what may have been a first at the Catholic parish: A chant of "Mar-tin!, Mar-tin!" rang out for about 20 seconds.

Martin's name was invoked throughout the hour-and-a-half liturgy, which was led by Fr. Sean Connor, the pastor at St. Ann's who has been ministering to the Richard family since their ordeal began. Fr. Connor, a former police officer who is known for his sense of humor during Mass, set the tone early— telling the Mass-goers that there would be no collection at the Mass, but that "singing is required and being happy is required."


***
Kind hearted with an infectious smile. Third grader who the girls had a crush on. He was nice to the girls. A great great kid. Bicycled, basketball, hockey. "No more hurting people. Peace."


http://richardfamilyfund.org/

http://www.thenhcs.org/    Martin Richard's school. Direct payment to his memorial fund.

On November 1st, our family will play Monopoly together in Martin's memory.

Lu Lingzi, age 23

picture from NY times daily
 
 
Information from Huffington post,
 
 
BOSTON — Lu Lingzi was passionate about the piano, a daughter who always made her father laugh and a standout statistics student. [She aced qualifying exams.] Friends and family on Monday night vowed not to forget the light in their lives that was extinguished too soon... "We will keep running to finish the race for you and we will try to realize your unfinished dream." said her roommate. Hundreds of people packed a hall at Boston University to say goodbye to Lu, a 23-year-old graduate student. Jing told the crowd how when she met Lu in April 2012 they discovered they were both from the northern part of China, both piano lovers and both without boyfriends. "We believed we were long-lost sisters and could not wait to begin our adventure in Boston," she said. "I was so grateful that I had such a lovely sister in my life, but I had no idea that this friendship would only last one year."
Speakers recalled a bubbly young woman who loved dogs and blueberry pancakes and who was also a driven student. ..."She was the family's Shirley Temple, if you will, the little elf and a little jolly girl, bringing everyone in the family ceaseless laughter," said Lu Jun, who spoke in his native tongue and was followed by an English interpreter.
"She's gone but our memories of her are very much alive," her father said. "An ancient Chinese saying says every child is actually a little Buddha that helps their parents mature and grow up."...

https://www.bu.edu/alumni-forms/forms/lu-lingzi-fund/

On November 1st, I will eat blueberry pancakes in memory of Lu Lingzi.
 


Krystle Campbell, age 29

picture from couriermail

Information from Huffington post, yahoo news

Campbell's father, William A. Campbell Jr., told Yahoo News, "My daughter was the most lovable girl. She helped everybody...

 Hordon Health member - Krystle could easily have been described as the salt of the earth, but her complexity demands more."

Krystle Campbell went every year to the Boston Marathon finish line to watch the runners. Wonderful, sweet, kind, friendly, always smiling. She was a restaurant manager. Great sense of humor. Made others feel special. Took care of grandmother - cup of tea, lots of laughs, hugs and a kiss.

http://www.tbf.org/giving/make-a-gift/krystle-campbell-memorial-fund

On November 1st, I will have a cup of tea with my family in memory of Krystle.

Madeline Hsu, age 6

picture from People magazine
 
 
 

Information from obituary, People, LATimes, 
 
                       
Madeline Hsu was a shy and quiet 6-year-old — but she would light up around dogs..."She was just an absolute doll," Dryer, a neighbor said. "She seemed very shy, but she was just so sweet." - See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/hartfordcourant/obituary.aspx?pid=161726087#sthash.7HJlozTe.dpuf
 
Maddy and Caroline were at the same bus stop as a new kindergartner who was scared to go to school. Every morning they would take his hand and help comfort him to get on the bus. At the end of the day, they would meet their Moms and the kindergartner's golden retriever who Maddy loved.
 
Her outfits matched her personality: sunny floral dresses. “She was a sweet, unique, bright, sparkling, determined little girl,” her family said in a statement about the first-grader. “She was an avid reader who loved running and dancing. She was a born leader.”

https://newtown.uwwesternct.org/

Madeline Hsu's family has remained extremely private through their grieving. It was difficult to find a place to donate. Above is a general donation through United Way to be directed to the Sandy Hook School community. Below is a memorial fund that was in the Huffington Post January 2013.

Donations can be sent to the Madeleine Hsu Memorial Fund, c/o Wells Fargo Bank, 26 Church Hill Road, Newtown CT 06470

On November 1st, I will plant flowers for the beautiful little girl, Maddy Hsu.


Benjamin Wheeler, age 6

picture from People magazine
 
Information from Huffington post, obituary, Ben's Lighthouse fund,
 
 
 
...Ben was an irrepressibly bright and spirited boy whose love of fun and excitement at the wonders of life and the world could rarely be contained. His rush to experience life was headlong, creative and immediate. He was a devoted fan of his older brother, Nate, and the two of them together filled the house with the noise of four children. He loved the local soccer program, often running across the field long after it was actually necessary, but always smiling and laughing as he moved the ball nearly always at full tilt. He was becoming a strong swimmer and loved his lessons. Eager to learn, he couldn't wait to get to school to see his teacher and his growing group of new first grade friends. Ben was also a member of Tiger Scout Den 6 which met at the Sandy Hook Volunteer Firehouse. Earlier in December, Ben performed at his piano recital and sitting still long enough to play one piece was an accomplishment he reveled in. He loved The Beatles, lighthouses, and the number 7 train to Sunnyside, Queens. In a conversation with [his mother] before school on Friday, he said, "I still want to be an architect, but I also want to be a paleontologist, because that's what Nate is going to be and I want to do everything Nate does." - See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/newstimes/obituary.aspxpid=161791261#sthash.atJu8HL5.dpufly 
 
Ben Wheeler was an irrepressible young boy who dreamed of being an architect, a paleantologist and a lighthouse keeper all at once. In public settings like school or church, people always knew when Ben was around. There was nothing on his dial between one and eleven; nothing moved quickly enough for him and the joy he showed in his headlong rush through life was contagious. Quick to smile, quick to laugh, eyes sparkling always with his love of everything (and a good deal of mischief) he was an energetic spirit who filled lives with a delightful noise...


http://benslighthousefund.org/


On November 1st, I will play some Beatles in memory of Ben.